


imposter syndrome

by theonceandfuturecarpenter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Lots of makin out, no smut tho, sorry folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonceandfuturecarpenter/pseuds/theonceandfuturecarpenter
Summary: “Poe, do you trust me?” she asks.“Of course, Rey,” he replies firmly.“Just follow my lead, alright?” she says as she steps forward and grabs the lapels of his worn leather jacket. Poe doesn’t tense at their new proximity, thankfully, although even more confusion flashes in his eyes.“I am so sorry about this,” she whispers when she’s only an inch from his face, and then draws him down to bring his lips crashing down onto hers.(a fake relationship/college au)
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Rey, Poe Dameron/Rey
Comments: 9
Kudos: 91
Collections: Star Wars





	imposter syndrome

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how this idea initially came to me, but I'm a sucker for the following tropes:
> 
> 1) college au  
> 2) fake relationship  
> 3) two idiots in love with each other who have no idea how to admit those feelings
> 
> and all three came crashing together to form whatever mess of a fic this is. first time poster, so pls be gentle with me and enjoy!

Rey doesn’t like frat parties. The too loud music thrumming in her ears, the floor always sticky with spilled beer, the sheer amount of bodies crammed into a tiny space, all of it came together to produce a nightmare which she always avoided like the plague. Which is exactly why she’s questioning how exactly she ended up at this one, shoved into the corner of some stranger’s living room by herself, with a lukewarm cup of beer in her hands.

Well, she knows the answer to that question. Finn had dragged her here, under the guise of pushing her to be more adventurous and meet new people. It will be good for you, he said, you never leave your apartment!

She eyes the amber liquid in her red solo cup. There’s a dead fly floating in it, and she can’t help the way her face contorts at the sight.

She feels a gentle nudge against her shoulder. “You good, Skywalker?”

“Oh, never better, Dameron,” she responds dryly, still eyeing the dead fly.

Poe chuckles warmly, “That bad, huh?”

She finally looks up at him as he leans against the wall beside her, face split in a smug grin.

“You know this isn’t my crowd,” she responds, scanning the room around her, subtly trying to map an escape route in her head.

“I know this is the first time I’ve seen you outside of your apartment on a Saturday night all year,” he retorts.

“That’s what I get for choosing to major in mechanical engineering,” she responds, turning to face him, “That means I actually have to study, unlike certain other people.”

“Hey, communications is a tough major!” he counters, making a mock show of how affronted he is by her comment, “Just the other night I was at the library until, like, 4 AM finishing a midterm paper that made me want to blow my brains out!”

“Was that because it was actually difficult, or because you just put it off until the last minute?”

Poe’s eyes narrow at her. “You know what? I’m going to make you do a keg stand by the end of the night for that comment.”

“I’d really like to see you try,” she replies coolly.

Poe simply laughs in response, eyes shimmering through the haze of alcohol which slightly clouded them. Rey felt herself smiling too, the first genuine one of the night. She liked Poe. Finn had introduced the two at the beginning of their sophomore year at Yavin State University. The two boys developed a fast friendship during a summer internship wherein, according to them both, they mainly acted as glorified janitors.

Rey and Poe quickly fell into their own rhythm of friendship, one that she found great comfort in at times. Not in the way that Finn’s companionship comforted her; Finn had clicked into place as her best friend from the moment they met at freshman orientation. He was her brother, her counterbalance, his gentle nature always offsetting her stubborn and introverted personality whenever it risked becoming a danger to her.

Poe, on the other hand, wasn’t her counterbalance in any sense of the word. If anything, Rey had met her match in Poe Dameron, she thinks wistfully as she watches him take another swig of his beer. He was loud, and hardheaded, and cocky; nobody could go toe to toe with her in terms of banter (or stubbornness) the way he did.

But he was also incredibly kindhearted, despite his best efforts to conceal it. He would take a bullet for any of his friends, she knows that deep in her bones. Hell, he once ran all the way across their 250 acre campus to deliver a small stack of Scantrons to her before one of her midterm exams, simply because she had forgotten to buy her own. He has her coffee order memorized, and brought her sunflowers whenever she had a particularly rough day because he knew they were her favorite. Their personalities and behaviors inexplicably fell in tandem, and he intrinsically understood her in a way that nobody else did, even if it meant their little squabbles sometimes evolved into days-long standoffs due to their equally hard heads.

It didn’t hurt that he was almost offensively handsome, either.

“So how’d you end up here in the first place, Sunshine?” he asks, finally catching her eyes.

“I’ll give you one guess.”

Poe nods his head in understanding. “His intentions are good.”

“Finn’s intentions don’t mean shit if he brings me to a party to introduce me to people, and then just abandons me to waste away in some corner by myself for god knows whatever reason!” she spits out.

“I think that reason is named Jannah,” he responds, “And you’re not wasting away in the corner alone, I’m literally standing right next to you.”

“Yeah, and you don’t have to be,” she states firmly, “You’re actually popular and sociable, go revel in that. I’ll be fine.” She reflexively moves to bring her red solo cup to her lips, but remembers about the tiny insect laying in its watery grave inside, and her lips twist into a grimace. Poe wordlessly hands over his half drunk bottle of beer, and she, likewise, wordlessly takes a long pull from it.

“And miss out on annoying you with my company? Dream on, Skywalker.” He takes the bottle back from her hands and finishes off what little beer is left.

“And miss out on annoying you with my company?” Rey mimics him, “God, you’re so dramatic.”

Poe chuckles, eyes shimmering again in a way that makes Rey’s chest feel warm.

“I’m gonna go get a refill, want anything?” he asks, gesturing to the cup still in her hands.

“As long as it doesn’t have a dead insect in it, I really do not care what you grab for me,” she says as she hands over the offending red solo cup.

“Duly noted,” he responds simply, flashing her a quick smile that only warms her chest further before ducking into the kitchen.

Rey didn’t have a crush on him. Seriously, she did not have a crush on one of her best friends, because she was far past having school girl crushes. She was an adult, one who went to college and had a job and paid her own tuition - there wasn’t time for immature crushes at her stage of life. She just really liked having him around, simple as that. The fact that her heart fluttered whenever he laughed at one of her jokes or called her by his nickname for her and her alone - Sunshine - was just a coincidence, she supposed. Maybe she should get that checked by a doctor sometime.

She resumed quietly scanning the room, taking in the unique energy of the space and the people inhabiting it that could only be described as, well, college. She was never one for extroverted socialization, especially not in a context like this, but she could appreciate it from afar. There's a cluster of people surrounding a ping pong table, loudly cheering on what she assumed was a game of beer pong. There's a couple sloppily making out at the end of the couch, a display which she quickly averts her eyes from.

And, towards the entrance to the living room, a tall, dark haired figure began pushing its way through the crowd. 

Rey feels all the air being sucked from her lungs as soon as her eyes land on him.

“So, they didn’t have any Macallan 25 year, unfortunately, but I figured a Bud Light would be sufficient in its place,” Poe jokes lightly as he approaches her, holding out a bottle for her to take.

“Rey?” he prodded, voice laced with concern when she doesn’t even turn towards him.

Her eyes finally snap to his face, undoubtedly wide with the same panic that was coursing through her veins. “My ex just walked in,” she states plainly.

“Your ex?” Poe’s eyebrows furrow, “I didn’t even know you had an ex.”

“It was freshman year, I was dumb and naive, and he was way too intense way too fast and I broke it off after a month or two,” Rey rambles at the speed of light, “But he still looks for any chance to try to ask me if we can give it another shot and Poe, I just cannot deal with that right now, or ever, really.”

“Hey, breathe, Sunshine, breathe,” Poe responds, eyes fixed intently on Rey even as he sets the bottles of beer down by their feet, “Do you want me to get you out of here?”

“There’s no way we could without running into him,” she reasons. She glances over and sees the tall figure walking intently in her direction, and feels a new wave of panic overtake her.

Her eyes snap back to Poe, his face still marred with equal parts concern and confusion. And suddenly, what may be either the best or the worst idea Rey has ever had pops into her head.

“Poe, do you trust me?” she asks.

“Of course, Rey,” he replies firmly.

“Just follow my lead, alright?” she says as she steps forward and grabs the lapels of his worn leather jacket. Poe doesn’t tense at their new proximity, thankfully, although even more confusion flashes in his eyes.

“I am so sorry about this,” she whispers when she’s only an inch from his face, and then draws him down to bring his lips crashing down onto hers.

Poe freezes for a millisecond, and in that small span of time, Rey immediately thinks that she’s just made the dumbest mistake of her life.

But then, as if he had been shocked awake from a long slumber, Poe surges forward to meet her in the kiss with such ferocity it nearly takes Rey’s breath away. One of his arms immediately circles around her waist to draw her closer to him, earning a small squeak of surprise from Rey, while the other hand tangles itself in her short chestnut hair.

Rey’s mind goes completely blank. She forgets about the obnoxiously loud music thrumming in her ears. She forgets about the dense crowd surrounding them. She forgets about how her mouth still probably tasted of stale beer. She forgets about the tall man who is undoubtedly looming over them at this point. The only thing she knew was that she was kissing Poe Dameron, and nothing in this world had ever felt so right.

A loud, awkward cough quickly brings her crashing back down to earth. She pulls herself from Poe’s embrace and turns her head to meet the eyes of Ben Solo, whose face is contorted into a terrible grimace at the sight in front of him.

“Oh, hello, Ben,” she says as nonchalantly as possible, her heart still hammering in her chest.

“Rey,” he replies tersely. His eyes shift to the dazed looking man next to her. “Dameron.”

Rey looks up at Poe, desperately hoping that he understood what she was trying to do. The dazed look in his eyes quickly shifts to one of recognition, then to one of understanding, then to one of cockiness as he throws his arm around Rey’s shoulders.

“Solo,” he shoots back, lightly pulling Rey into his side.

That’s her boy.

“I, uh, I didn’t know you two were close,” Ben says, not even trying to hide the disdain dripping in his voice.

“It’s new,” Rey responds, praying that her voice remained steady as she reached up to interlace her hand with the one Poe had thrown over her shoulder, “We’ve been friends for a while now, so having it all evolve into something more than that just…”

She looks up into Poe’s eyes, and is nearly startled by the painfully soft adoration she found staring back at her.

“...it just felt right,” she finishes, eyes still locked on Poe’s.

Ben loudly clears his throat again, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Well, congratulations, I guess,” he bites out, “I’m glad you’re happy.”

Poe wordlessly pulls Rey in closer and presses a soft kiss to her temple, gently running his thumb over the knuckles of their interlaced hands, and she thinks she may have to actually pay him for what is quickly becoming an Oscar worthy performance.

“Rey, I was actually wondering if I could get a quick word wi-”

“Actually, my girlfriend and I were just about to head out,” Poe cuts Ben off, “Party is winding down and well, I think we have...better ways to entertain ourselves at home, don’t we, love?”

Rey turns her head and she can tell by the mischievous glint in his eyes that oh yeah, he’s getting as much enjoyment out of torturing Ben Solo like this as she is. She nods her head at her fake boyfriend, kissing him on the cheek to really seal the deal.

“Bye, Ben, it was nice seeing you,” she offers as she brushes past him, dragging Poe along by their still intertwined hands, and leaving Ben Solo behind to stew in his anger and frustration.

Poe holds firmly onto her hand as they weave their way through the crowd of the party, emerging into the biting cold February air after finally navigating their way to the front door. They only make it a few steps onto the sidewalk before they simultaneously break, each falling to the ground in uproarious laughter.

“Did you see his face? Oh my god, that was absolutely fucking genius, Rey!” Poe chokes out, still getting the last few chuckles out of his system.

“I panicked, okay! I’m just glad you caught on, that could’ve been a disaster!” Rey responds breathlessly.

Rey gathers herself, and finally sits up to find her best friend still sprawled out on the ground. She pulls herself to her feet, a few giggles still bubbling up from her chest, and offers her hand to Poe.

“Thank you for going along with that, seriously” she says in earnest, “I know it was a lot to throw at you at once, but you really saved my ass.”

“Saving your ass is my job, Sunshine,” Poe replies, grasping her hand with his own, “Plus, it was more than worth it to piss Ben Solo off like that. That guy is a complete and utter asshole.”

Rey hoists Poe to his feet with a grunt, although it takes him a second to find his balance due to the alcohol still working its way through his system.

“You good, champ?” Rey teases.

“Never better,” Poe replies, dryly, “Although, I do have one question for you.”

“Shoot,” Rey answers, well aware of the fact that he has yet to let go of her hand.

Poe leans in towards her, and Rey tries to ignore the way that her heart rate picks up slightly.

“Am I a great kisser, or just a good one?” Poe asks, eyes full of mirth.

“Oh my god, get over yourself!” Rey rolls her eyes and drops his hand, already turning on her heel to walk away from him, “Frat parties are dumb and I’m never coming to one again.”

“Oh come on, kissing me couldn’t have been that bad!” Poe retorts, jogging to catch up with her.

Rey can feel the blush rising to her cheeks, but prays that Poe can’t see it in the darkness of the night around them. “It was enough to get Ben Solo off my back, and for that, I’m grateful,” she replies, turning back to him, “Do you think Finn will be okay with me bailing?”

“He has Jannah, I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Poe affirms. Rey nods.

“Would you mind walking me back to my apartment?” Rey asks.

“Was already planning on it, Sunshine,” Poe answers, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets, “I know anyone who would be stupid enough to jump you would have their ass handed to them, but still,” he turns to her, eyes filling with the same softness that had startled her before, “I wanna make sure you’re safe.”

Rey ducks her head slightly, once again feeling the blush rising in her cheeks. “Thanks, Dameron.”

“Anything for you, Skywalker,” Poe responds softly.

They walk in companionable silence for a few minutes, but the question which Rey had been dreading ever since they tumbled out of that frat party inevitably rises to the surface right as the two are within a block of her apartment complex.

“So...you and Solo?” Poe asks, earning an audible groan from Rey.

“Me and Solo,” she parrots back, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I met him in a biology class, first semester freshman year. He asked me out, I said yes, because I was a dumb 18 year old kid who had never even been on a date before. But he was just so...fucking intense all the time! Right off the bat!" She can't help the way her voice rises in frustration.

"We weren’t even officially together, but he was still demanding all my time and attention. He would get jealous of all my other friends, especially Finn, and wouldn’t understand when I said I needed alone time. I couldn’t take it. So, I broke it off after about 2 months, and he still pesters me to give him another chance to this day.”

“It’s junior year and he still won’t leave you alone?” Poe asks, brows furrowed in confusion.

“He’s convinced we’re soulmates,” Rey answers, “Told me so on our third date.”

“Jesus Christ,” Poe mutters under his breath as they approach her door.

“Can you see why I panicked?” she asks as she digs in her purse for her keys, “Hopefully tonight was enough to scare him off for a bit, at least.”

“If he tries anything with you again, tell him your fake boyfriend will kick his ass,” Poe states with a fierceness in his voice that catches Rey off guard.

“You were a great fake boyfriend, thank you again for letting me shove my tongue down your throat so I could avoid my ex,” Rey offers, turning her key in the lock of her front door, “You're a good friend, and I owe you big time for this one.”

“Nah, you don’t owe me anything, Sunshine,” Poe responds, “I still might kick his ass, though, Solo’s had it coming for a while now.”

“Oh, my hero,” Rey teases, dramatically throwing her hand over her heart, earning an eye roll from Poe.

“Are you good to get home,” she asks in earnest, opening the door to her apartment, “or do you need to crash on the couch for the night?”

Poe waves her off. “Nah, I’ll get home just fine, don’t worry about me.”

“If you say so,” Rey shrugs, “Goodnight, Poe.”

Poe reaches out and pulls her in for a bear hug, and, as always, Rey squeezes him back just as tight. Rey wasn’t one for physical affection, and rarely offered more than a handshake unless you were one of the select few close friends that she earnestly trusted. And she trusted Poe deeply.

Poe holds onto her a little tighter this time, though, and for a little longer than usual. She doesn’t mind at all, of course, reveling in the warmth and safety of his arms. She swears for a moment that he presses a soft kiss into her hair, and her heart nearly stops. But then she remembers that Poe didn’t see her in that light, she knows it, even if kissing him earlier that night had felt like the most natural thing in the world. She must’ve just felt him shift is all, she reasons.

He finally releases her, and gives her a smile so soft and gentle that she feels her heart skip a beat. “Goodnight, Rey.”

She ducks her head as her face to hide the dumb smile that crosses her face, and she begins to shut the door.

“Rey?” Poe gently prods just before the door in front of him shuts completely.

“Yes?” Rey responds, slightly confused.

Poe pauses, and Rey can see conflict behind his eyes. She swore that she could always read him like an open book, despite his claims that he had an unbreakable poker face. And sure, he had a well trained poker face - but his eyes were so involuntarily expressive that they always gave away whatever was swirling around in his head.

Poe finally swallows and lightly clears his throat as he looks down at his feet. “Am I really that bad of a kisser?"

Rey pauses, completely caught off guard by the question. More so, she’s caught off guard by how small and meek his voice sounded as his question rang in her ears.

“You know what? That was a dumb question,” he rambles at high speed, gesticulating wildly with his hands, “I’m sorry, that was really weird of me an-”

“Poe, you were the best kiss I’ve ever had,” Rey cuts him off, surprised at her own candor.

Poe is too, evidently, based on the way he completely freezes mid-sentence.

Rey can’t handle the silence, and the way the empty air between them began crackling with something she couldn’t quite identify. Something that filled her chest with equal parts excitement and fear.

“I, uh, I haven’t kissed many people though, so maybe I’m not the best barometer for gauging something like that,” she babbles, “but, uh, yeah. I don’t think you’ll have any worries on that front. Whoever you kiss next will be in for, uh, quite a treat.”

Rey wishes more than anything that a massive hole would open up in the floor beneath her and just swallow her whole at this point. Anything to get her away from what was quickly becoming the most painfully awkward moment of her life. Poe is still frozen in place, and Rey is pretty sure he hasn’t even blinked since she made her embarrassing admission.

“Anyways, I, uh, I hope that answers your question,” Rey continues, eyes falling to her shoes, “And I hope I was decent in return.”

“Rey, I-” Poe finally starts again.

“Goodnight, Poe, thanks for getting me home safely,” Rey spits out quickly before all but slamming the door in his face in a panic.

Rey leans her head against the door, letting out a long sigh as she feels her heart drop from her chest. Of course she had to go and ruin her relationship with one of the few best friends she ever had, not by suddenly kissing him out of nowhere, but by running her damn mouth.

And yeah, she knows. She knows that she has a deeply rooted crush on him, one that would not be uprooted and healed by the simple act of denying it. She knows that something in their relationship had just monumentally shifted on the front steps of her apartment. And the anxiety that sat in her stomach like a lead weight was telling her that it wasn’t a shift in the direction she wanted it to go.

If anything, she had probably lost him.

She took another deep sigh, and pushed herself off the door. She began dragging her feet back to her room, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed, cocoon herself in her sheets, and not move for a few days.

That is, until she hears an insistent pounding on the front door. “Rey?” Poe’s muffled voice came from the other side. Great, her torture just keeps getting dragged out tonight, apparently.

She cracks open the door against her better judgement, but is unable to look her best friend in the face.

“Yes?” she responds, voice cracking against her will.

“Rey, look at me,” he demands in a low voice.

She finally looks up to meet his eyes, and the air between them is even more tense than she expected, strung tight like a rubber band on the verge of snapping. They hold each other’s gazes for what could be 10 seconds or 10 hours, she can’t quite tell, but she can tell from the way her heart is hammering in her chest that they are on the verge of flinging themselves off the edge of an unknowable precipice. 

Rey’s eyes involuntarily glance down to Poe’s mouth, and the rubber band snaps.

He surges forward and takes her face in both his hands, kissing her soundly, and Rey feels like she can breathe for the first time in her life. He pulls back momentarily, just far enough to gage her reaction, but she barely gives him time to register whatever combination of shock and awe is undoubtedly painted on her face.

She locks her arms around his neck, bringing him back in for a searing kiss, finally allowing all of the pent up feelings for him that had been developing for the past year and a half to flow out of her. He meets her with the same enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around her waist and pushing their entwined bodies further into her apartment, haphazardly kicking the front door shut behind him.

Rey’s back quickly meets the wall as she stumbles backwards into the hallway. Poe tightens his grip on her waist to hoist her into his arms, her legs instinctively wrapping around his hips as he pins her to the wall. Time, and the rest of the world outside of the two of them, has lost any and all meaning. All that matters is that Rey is kissing Poe, and Poe is kissing Rey, and something that she didn’t know she was missing suddenly slots itself into place.

He reluctantly pulls away for air. His cheeks are flushed pink, and his pupils are blown so wide that the brown of his irises have all but completely disappeared. Rey thinks that she’s never seen anyone look so beautiful in her life.

“Sorry,” he rasps out, “Just had to know if it felt the same as before.”

“And how did it feel before?” Rey asks, voice equally as shaky.

“Perfect,” he responds softly, a dumbstruck smile spreading across his face, “It felt perfect.”

“And now?” she asks, still breathless. Her heart is somehow beating even faster than it was before.

Poe responds by kissing her once again, softly this time. He pulls back after a moment, and looks at her with such adoration and affection that Rey feels as if she might fall to pieces in his arms.

“Please don’t tell me this is going to be a one night thing,” she pleads, hating the way her voice sounds so small in her ears.

“No, Sunshine,” Poe’s brows furrow and he shakes his head slightly, “I don’t think I could handle that.”

He reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ears, and she can feel his hand shake slightly as it brushes against her face.

“If you’re okay with it, I would like to keep kissing you for a long, long time,” he asks, his voice a near whisper.

Rey can’t help the smile that crosses her face, the warmth from her chest finally spilling over and flooding the rest of her body. “Poe Dameron, are you asking to be upgraded from my fake boyfriend to my real boyfriend?”

“Considering I’ve been half in love with you since the moment I met you?” Poe laughs softly, still cautious, “Yeah, I think I am.”

She surges forward and recaptures his lips with her own, unable to fully wipe the smile off her face in the process.

“Is that a yes?” he asks against her lips.

“Yes, you idiot,” she responds joyfully.

His face - her boyfriend’s face - splits into a wide grin, and his eyes sparkle as he leans in again to kiss her fully. The initial sweetness of the action is quickly overtaken by pure hunger, as if both had been starving their entire lives until this moment. She tangles her hands in his mess of curls, scraping her blunt fingernails across his scalp, which earns her a low rumble of approval.

The sound goes straight to her core, and she can’t help the soft moan that escapes from the back of her throat as he grinds his hips into hers. He moves his attention from her mouth to the column of her neck, undoubtedly leaving marks that will show up in the morning, and Rey feels dizzy from trying to process the way their bodies are currently entwined.

“Poe?” she rasps, breathless once again.

He hums against her skin, unwilling to deviate his attention from the task at hand.

“I know you know where my room is,” her voice gravelly, “and I am not going to fuck you for the first time in this hallway.”

That clearly catches his attention, and before Rey knows it, she’s being scooped up in Poe’s arms and carried at full speed down the hallway into her bedroom, both of them giggling like giddy school kids along the way.

If she had known that going to a frat party would result in a night like this, she thinks as her newly minted boyfriend kicks the bedroom door shut behind them, she would’ve gone much sooner.


End file.
